


Second Chances

by hallow777



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Blood Drinking, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Fun Vampire Stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 19:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4678562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hallow777/pseuds/hallow777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After getting a chance to see what their life together could be like in the future, Carmilla decides that she can't do that to Laura. She can't let Laura waste her life away, aging next to an unaging vampire and living an unfulling life so after things are settled with Vordenberg, she leaves so that Laura can have a normal human life.</p><p>Just how far is Laura willing to go to prove that she didn't want this so called "normal human life"? That all she wanted was to be with Carmilla, no matter what?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a doozy. This was going to be a oneshot (yes, I know, I say that like everytime but it's always true) but this one really, really got carried away. It's over 8,000 words right now so I thought it was best to go ahead and start posting some of it.

Vordenberg did not play fair.

He absolutely did not play fair at all.

He’d been preparing for them from the moment he’d met them, apparently. Mattie was a challenge for him but after he’d found out her secret, she was easily contained so it was up to Laura and Carmilla to take him down. Laura was already in this until the end, she’d started this mess and she was going to finish it one way or another and Carmilla, though she didn’t really want to be the hero again, ended up with no choice, there was no other way out of this. Plus, she couldn’t really stand to let Laura face this alone.

They weren’t back together exactly, but they were united for a common goal and at the very least, they had each other’s backs and they were determined to end this. It was agreed upon that after everything was said and done, they would take some time to really talk about things, no matter what and get all their feelings out in the open.

Unfortunately, that was exactly what Vordenberg wanted. If they had still been broken up completely and actually hated each other, they would have won easily but Vordenberg was ready and willing to play their feelings against them. 

They still weren’t exactly sure how he did it, but he trapped them, showed them illusions of how things would go for them to turn them against each other and distract them. They saw the side of things they hadn’t let themselves think about before. It was like they were really experiencing everything in real time, just with every negative thing amplified.

Within a span of a few minutes, both Laura and Carmilla experienced what could be their future. Things starting out happily between them but then things getting worse as Laura started to age while Carmilla didn’t. 

Laura experienced having to grow older as Carmilla stayed the same, going through the embarrassment as she got too old to be seen in public with her without people assuming she was the middle aged mom to a broody teenager. Laura felt the pain when the day came that she realized that Carmilla wasn’t attracted to her anymore and Laura couldn’t handle being intimate with her anymore, feeling weird about touching such a young looking body intimately while she was getting more wrinkles every day. Then came the time when Laura couldn’t do much for herself anymore, too frail to take care of her every day needs and Carmilla had to help her do everything until finally came the time when Carmilla had to ask for help, not being able to give Laura the twenty four hour care she needed and having to put her in a nursing home. Laura didn’t think anything could be worse than Carmilla taking care of her every need but then something about knowing that Carmilla was visiting her at a nursing home was even worse. Laura was sure that things couldn’t get any worse, knowing that the only thing left for her was death but because this was still just an illusion she got to see what happened after she died, got to watch as if she was a ghost floating along watching as Carmilla grieved and tried unsuccessfully to deal with the pain of a lost love. It hurt more than anything before, she could not and would not stand to watch this happen to Carmilla and it was what ultimately allowed her to break free of the illusion and lash out at Vordenberg who had counted on them both being too distraught to focus on beating him.

Laura became her own hero, saving not just herself but everyone on campus but while Laura was playing hero, Carmilla was still dealing with the effects of the illusion.

While Laura had experienced things from the mortal’s point of view, Carmilla, of course, had seen things from the immortal’s point of view and things were a bit different than what Laura saw.

Carmilla got a happy start just like Laura did but then things were strained. She didn’t mind that Laura was aging without her, she’d already resigned herself that this was going to happen but she wasn’t really prepared for the toll it would take on Laura. She knew Laura dreaded the day someone would assume she was Carmilla’s mother but until it happened, Carmilla didn’t realize just how bad it would be. It was horrible watching Laura go through that, knowing what she must think. Carmilla couldn’t help thinking maybe it wasn’t worth it. She loved her, of course, but was it worth putting Laura through this pain? Laura assured her it was and that she was fine but then it happened again.

And again.

And again.

And then finally people stopped assuming Laura was her mother only to assume she was her grandmother instead. 

It was around the first time that this happened that Laura stopped wanting to have sex with her. She loved Laura and would always love her no matter what but neither could deny that it was starting to get a bit odd for them with that big of an age gap physically. That sexual attraction just wasn’t there anymore and Carmilla hated herself for it. They dealt with it the best that they could though and things were okay for a while until Laura gradually got weaker and weaker until she had a hard time taking care of herself. Carmilla didn’t mind helping her with anything she needed but it was killing her seeing Laura like this. Laura who would always be this strong active woman who did anything and everything she wanted in her mind. Laura who now had trouble eating and using the bathroom on her own. Carmilla didn’t know if she could mentally do this. They still shared a bed even after all these years but Carmilla couldn’t sleep next to her anymore so she would take off to the guest bedroom a little before sunrise to cry without Laura knowing. It worked out for a while. She would be able to let out everything she was feeling that she couldn’t tell Laura about now, Laura would feel guilty if she knew, and then she’d be able to get some decent sleep before Laura woke up.

But then Laura fell and broke a hip trying to get out of bed one night when Carmilla wasn’t in bed with her. The guilt nearly consumed Carmilla when she woke up to the sounds of Laura crying and asking where she was, she felt like the worst person in the world.

That feeling only got worse when she had to make the decision to move Laura to a home so that she could have better care. She cringed every time one of the helpful nurses would tell Laura that her “granddaughter” was here to see her. The first week Laura spent in the nursing home was the worst. Since Carmilla was listed as Laura’s only close family and therefore her caretaker, the home had to inform Carmilla of any changes or things that happened. On anything official, Carmilla started going by Mircalla again which was a good thing because the nurses started calling “Mircalla” telling her that Laura wouldn’t sleep at night and cried about how she wanted someone named Carmilla sleeping there with her. Carmilla spent her days there with Laura and while the nursing home welcomed visitors, they tried to limit people at night so that the residents could get their rest and since Carmilla couldn’t tell them that she was the Carmilla that Laura wanted at night, she couldn’t stay with her. Instead, Carmilla now spent her nights crying in the bed she used to share with Laura, knowing that Laura was most likely crying too.

It only got worse from there, Carmilla watched as more and more signs of death appeared and she knew it was almost time for Laura but that didn’t make it any easier. She’d lived a long life but Carmilla couldn’t help but think was it really worth it? She’d lived, but had she really _lived_ while being tied down to an immortal monster?

It finally happened during the night while Carmilla wasn’t there, she’d been getting some much needed sleep after a week of tossing and turning in the empty bed when she got the call that Laura had passed. It was peaceful, she’d gone in her sleep but that she hadn’t been there was something Carmilla knew she wouldn’t be able to make peace with for a long time. She’d been preparing for this pain of loss but it didn’t matter.

Nothing could have prepared her for losing Laura, even if they had spent seventy years together, it wasn’t enough. No amount of time would ever have been enough for her.

She wasn’t prepared for losing Laura and she most certainly wasn’t prepared for the guilt she felt the more she thought about the life Laura could have had. She thought about all the things she had caused Laura to miss out on until it was just too much. They had talked about kids before and had agreed to adopt at least one but it just hadn’t ever happened, some how. There were a lot of things they had talked about that didn’t happen and she couldn’t remember why. In fact most of the happier things that had happened were hard for her to remember now and that was her first clue that this wasn’t real, that it was just an illusion but she was too far gone in her grief to notice.

Then it changed and she was suddenly a fly on the wall to a life that Laura could have had if she hadn’t been a part of it. Laura tried her best to be happy with her and Carmilla knew that at one time she was truly happy to be with her but once Laura hit her thirties she had to force a smile more often than not but as she watched Laura with this other woman- a ginger, because apparently Laura attracted gingers- it wasn’t forced like it had been with her. Carmilla watched as this other life of Laura’s played out in front of her in fast forward. She watched as Laura ended up welcoming her own child into the world- after some necessary medical help- and then watched as Laura and the child both grew older along with the woman Laura was with. It was much more natural and it looked like Laura was so much happier here than she had ever been with Carmilla. How could she have taken this away from her? They weren’t meant to be. This is what Laura was meant to have.

Carmilla felt like it was slowly ripping her heart out to watch this but she just couldn’t look away even though it had occurred to her to question how she was even watching this once or twice.

She watched as they grew older together and then their child took care of them and since Laura and this other woman aged at the same time no one questioned when they kissed in public or held hands or any of the things that Carmilla didn’t get to do with her once she’d reached a certain age. It hurt, but the worst was when it came time that Laura was once again getting frail and unable to take care of herself but instead of going through it alone, she had her wife with her. This Laura didn’t end up spending her nights alone in the nursing home. This Laura had an equally frail wife who decided to go into the home with her. 

They were together until the very end.

Unlike Carmilla who hadn’t even been there when Laura passed. 

She shouldn’t have done it. It wasn’t right. No matter how much Laura thought she wanted this, there was no way she could do this to her. She had to-.

There was a snap as if something had broken and Carmilla really opened her eyes for the first time, realizing that she was lying on the ground looking up at an unfamiliar ceiling. 

There was a strange gurgle sound coming from the right and she looked over to see Laura holding on to the hilt of a sword that was sticking out of Vordenberg’s chest, the gurgling coming from his lungs as he tried to breathe through the blood pooling there. He sunk to the ground, whatever magic he was using to keep himself alive for so long fading, leaving behind a horrible husk of a man. Within seconds of the magic fading, Mattie was suddenly there, having been freed from the restraints he had managed to put on her. 

She checked Carmilla over for any damage and once she was satisfied that Carmilla wasn’t seriously wounded, she stomped over to Laura who was still standing there, shocked at what she had done. After a very quick check to make sure the girl wasn't going to die on her for any reason, Mattie pushed Laura over to Carmilla who instinctively opened her arms and caught the girl. 

The illusions were still fresh in their minds so Laura wrapped her arms around the vampire, not wanting to let go anytime soon while Carmilla’s mind was still racing. This was a second chance. She knew she couldn’t screw this up. She carefully stood up and brought Laura up with her and after making sure that Mattie was busy cleaning up and doing what she needed to do, Carmilla started the journey back to the apartment with Laura close to her side. They were both exhausted and there was a lot of damage and debris to walk around and they really could have walked easier if they weren’t glued to each other’s side but they both needed this, just not for the same reasons.

Laura needed this because she remembered how much pain Carmilla went through being with her and losing her and wanted to make it better some how.

Carmilla needed this because she knew it was going to be the last chance she was ever going to get to hold Laura close again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was kind of cruel to leave off where I did in the first chapter, so enjoy.

They should have talked about it. They really should have but by the time they got back to the apartment their exhaustion hit them even harder and they had heard from people they passed on the way back that Mattie had taken over as head of the board again and was already getting things situated and was at least trying to make sure the students were looked after and that things were getting fixed so the campus could be liveable again. That was good enough for Laura, all she wanted to do right now was to fall into bed, sleep for more than two hours and deal with all this in the morning.

Laura gently guided Carmilla to the bed they used to share and soon they were both settled in comfortably. She knew Carmilla had seen at least something similar to what she had seen in the illusion, Vordenberg had told her as much before she saw an opening to get rid of him and took it which was also something she would have to face in the morning. She had really hoped they could end this peacefully and at the very least, she didn’t think she’d be the one to kill him but it had happened.

She wasn’t comfortable of the idea that she had killed him- the gurgling sound he made was going to haunt her for years she was sure of it- but what was most important to her right now was Carmilla. She didn’t really know how to make things go better between them in the future but she was willing to work for it. She thought that maybe seeing those illusions could help them in some way. That maybe because they saw what they did, they could take steps to make things better.

Laura loved her, she knew that for certain now and she knew that Carmilla loved her and she was willing to fight for this, they both were.

Or so she thought.

Despite all the thoughts running through her head, Laura fell asleep rather quickly. Carmilla, on the other hand, only gave herself a few minutes to rest before getting up and doing what she knew she had to do. She had to get out of there before she doomed Laura to such an unfulfilling life but she knew she couldn’t just up and leave without explaining some things. It was likely that Laura saw the same things she did so how the girl could even stand to be around her was a mystery she wasn’t going to get a chance to solve. Laura would already know why she was leaving but she felt like she had to leave something behind anyway.

She made sure to pack what she needed or wanted into a bag before sitting down at a small desk in the bedroom with a pen and paper so that she wouldn’t end up running out of time before Laura woke up.

She poured her heart into this letter, explaining her side of things and what she had seen and why she was leaving. It should be clear to Laura why she was leaving if she had seen the illusions as well but as she continued writing it, it became less about explaining to Laura and more about explaining to herself that this was for the best.

The urge to just give in and rip up the letter, unpack her bag, and crawl back into bed was strong. She’d spent so much time helping others without thinking of herself in the past and she’d definitely spent her fair share of doing things for Laura’s sake but just once she wanted to be selfish and just take what she wanted and enjoy those happy years they had before Laura got too old. Maybe then she could take off and leave Laura to the rest of her human life? She couldn’t bring herself to do it though. The part of her that always put Laura first was at it once again, telling her this was for the best that if she left now, Laura would have an easier time moving on than if she had spent years with the vampire.

With a heavy heart and a large sigh, Carmilla got up from the desk and placed the neatly folded letter on the pillow that her head should have been on for Laura to find when she woke up in a few hours. She knew she shouldn’t but she couldn’t resist leaning down for one final kiss and it felt like ripping her own heart out when she had to pry Laura’s sleepy hand away from where it had moved up to clutch at Carmilla when she felt the vampire’s lips on hers.

Luckily - or unluckily really - Laura never fully woke up and instead settled back down easily, moving to clutch her pillow instead so that Carmilla could walk out the door, only pausing once to look back at the sleeping woman in the bed.

Once she was outside the apartment, it really started to hit her that she was really doing this. That she was really walking away from Laura for her own good. She was worried about what mess Laura would manage to get into but she just couldn’t stay around and watch Laura waste her life, even if it meant she could protect her. Now that Vordenberg was taken care of, things at Silas should settle down anyway.

Vordenberg had done them one good thing and had gotten rid of the angler fish during his reign of terror so now the only threatening and powerful thing left at Silas now was Mattie and while Carmilla knew that Mattie wouldn’t exactly go out of her way to protect Laura, she wouldn’t try to harm her either. Even though she was leaving, her need for Laura to be safe would still hold. Mattie respected her enough for that.

Carmilla took off running into the forest next to the apartment, bag thumping her heavily on the back but she didn’t care, she was too busy trying to brush the tears out of her eyes so that she could focus on where she was going.

She ran and ran, going as fast as she could without transforming - a panther would be a rare enough sight but a panther with a bag on it’s back was a whole other deal - only stopping when she absolutely had to if she was hungry or the sun was too high in the sky.

She had to get far enough away so that she wouldn’t be tempted to come back and far enough away that Laura couldn’t find her because she knew she would try.

She just hoped Laura would eventually give up trying to find her, the thought of Laura wasting her life looking for her was just as bad as the thought of Laura wasting her life with her.

For now though, she just needed to stop thinking about her, get her out of her mind so that she wouldn’t be tempted. She had to forget her.

If only it were that easy,

* * *

 

The range of emotions that Laura felt when she woke up and read the letter that Carmilla had left her was amazing, to say the least. She’d thought she was upset when they had broke up but this was something of a whole new level. She wasn’t sure if Carmilla had seen the exact same things she had seen in the illusions but it had to be something similar at least.

Laura was beyond pissed but she was honestly more sad than anything. She was certainly not happy with Carmilla’s decision but she would have accepted it if Carmilla had been doing this for herself. Laura had seen that it wasn’t easy on Carmilla watching her grow old and taking care of her and Laura wouldn’t have blamed her if she hadn’t wanted to deal with that but that wasn’t the case.

Carmilla had done this because she thought Laura deserved a better life than what she had had with her. That she needed some perfect human family life instead of the life she had with the vampire. Carmilla had briefly talked about seeing her with a human family in the letter but Laura hadn’t gotten to that part of the illusion, she figured that she’d woken up before then but even if she had seen it, she knew she would have rather been with Carmilla, no matter how hard it was for them.

So yeah, she was pissed that Carmilla had done this, had taken the choice from her but if there was one thing that Laura Hollis was, it was determined. She didn’t know how to make things better but she knew she would find Carmilla eventually, even if it was just to yell at her for making the choice for her and telling her that she didn’t care, that she wanted to be with her, no matter what.

About that time Mattie’s voice sounded over the sound system, officially announcing that she was head of the board again and that anyone who was willing and able to help with the rebuild of the school was to meet in the auditorium in an hour and it gave Laura an idea.

Surely Mattie would have some idea of where Carmilla would have went.

* * *

 

Why she thought Mattie would just tell her where Carmilla might be was something Laura couldn’t quite figure out. It sounded like a good idea at the time but as she found herself carting materials back and forth and joining in on a quick run down of carpentry basics- using student labor was cheaper than hiring people though definitely not as safe- she realized it wasn’t going to be quite that easy. She wouldn’t give up though.

She continued to ask Mattie as often as she could between doing all the remodeling she could, after all the students were getting extra credit for each project they helped with, but she never got any information out of the stubborn and busy vampire.

After approximately the thirty second time she asked Mattie to give her something to go on- her searches online for any information on Carmilla’s whereabouts had turned up nothing, Mattie was really her last chance- the centuries old vampire finally snapped, snarling into Laura’s face, asking her what exactly she planned to do if she found her and why couldn’t she just leave her sister alone, hadn’t she done enough?

Laura explained once again, Mattie clearly didn’t listen all the other times she’d told her this, that Carmilla left because she thought that was what was best for Laura and it wasn’t.

Mattie just looked at her though, “perhaps I’m not exactly up to date on humans but isn’t she right? What good could possibly come out of her hanging around you until you die?”

“I don’t know but we would be happy together and that’s all that I really want. I love her so much, she deserves to be happy and right now she’s off somewhere being all unhappy because she thinks that leaving is best for me. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

It was a shock to hear the words come out of her own mouth. Of course she knew it, but she didn’t think the first person to actually hear her love confession would be Carmilla’s sister of all people.

“What if that isn’t enough for her? I believe that is what you told her, wasn’t it? That what she felt for you wasn’t enough?”

Mattie honestly hadn’t meant much by it and certainly not in the way that Laura took it, she’d just been trying to dissuade the girl from going after her sister, she still firmly believed this little human wasn’t good enough for Carmilla.

She hadn’t meant to put the idea into the girl’s head.

Laura had left Mattie’s office quietly that day, mind whirling with what Mattie had said. How could she be enough for Carmilla? How could she give her more? What could she give her more of?

Life?

More time with her?

The thought had occurred to her once or twice before but she’d never thought about it seriously. Was she really considering becoming like them? Becoming a vampire so that they wouldn’t have to go through the pain of her growing old?

No, she wasn’t.

Was she?

She wasn’t stupid, she knew this was a big deal. It took a month for her to think about it and decide that yes, this was what she wanted. She wasn’t exactly sure what the process of being turned was but she would do it for herself and for Carmilla. It was dangerous and reckless, sure, but when had that ever stopped her before?

Almost six months to the day after Carmilla left, Laura marched up to Mattie and demanded that she turn her into a vampire.

Mattie, predictably, laughed in her face and told her no.

Laura had made up her mind and though she still had some doubts, she wanted to go through with this so she continued pestering Mattie about it. She’d thought about taking to J.P. about it but she would only do that as an absolute last resort. Mattie may hate her, but she had a lot more vampire experience than J.P. had and Laura would much rather her do it.

After the third time she asked, Mattie started to realize that maybe Laura was serious about this and decided to save herself some trouble and happened to let it slip that Laura wanted to be turned to the giant redhead that liked to hang around Laura.

Her little slip of the tongue had the desired effect. Danny had completely freaked out and assembled the group to talk Laura out of this.

It was like a scene out of “Intervention”, the way they all gathered around Laura talking her out of this like she was addicted to an unhealthy habit and in a way, it was fitting.

They all tried their absolute best to talk her out of it.

Danny brought up how unhealthy it was that she wanted to do this solely for Carmilla’s sake but Laura pointed out that though yes, maybe it wasn’t the healthiest choice she could make, Carmilla had nearly done the same when she drug up the sword she used to kill the Dean with. Plus, she was doing it for herself too, so that they could be happy together.

Perry fretted about all the unknown risks of the “turning” process that they knew absolutely nothing about but it was clear that Laura wasn’t paying too much attention to her so she brought up Laura’s dad. She pointed out that Laura would have to hide the fact that she wasn’t growing older from him and that she’d have to watch him grow old and pass away. Laura only looked at the floor for a minute, trying to think how best to word it before she told them that her father was already in his forties when she was born, he was over sixty now. By the time it was really noticeable that she wasn’t aging, he would be old enough that it wouldn’t matter. If he started telling people, they would just think that he was losing his mind.

After that, Lafontaine didn’t cut any corners, diving straight into the possibility that Carmilla may not actually want this and what would she do if she turned vampire for nothing. She would be stuck on her own and avoiding awkward conversations with her ex for potentially centuries. Laura couldn’t explain it properly in words for them, she felt like she understood Carmilla enough that this wouldn’t be true, but she assured them even if it did, she would be fine. After all, she wanted to be a journalist or reporter, what better way to do that than travel the world as a vampire? Not having to worry about time and danger like she would as a human. In the end it would be Carmilla’s choice to make if she wanted to be with her or not but she knew that Carmilla loved her enough to make herself leave because she thought it was the best for her and that had to say something.

Danny cut in again this time not holding anything back and pointed out what if Carmilla didn’t like her anymore if she turned into a vampire. What if Carmilla only liked her as a human? This was unfortunately a sore spot for Laura, one she had been worried about herself but this was just a chance she would have to take and she told them as much.

J.P. who had mostly been quiet throughout this whole interrogation session spoke up, telling Laura all about what he felt now that he was a vampire. Laura knew it wasn’t going to be easy or pretty in anyway but hearing J.P. describe the things he feels now was gruesome at best. It didn’t deter her though. She still wanted to do this so begrudgingly, they had to leave and let Laura make her own choices.

To say that Mattie was surprised when Laura showed up the next day to ask again, was an understatement.

She may have been surprised, but that didn’t mean she was willing to agree to this.


End file.
